Premier League: Does anyone want to win the title?
As I’m snowed out of NYC apparently a result of a consortium between the airlines cancelling flights and the nanny-state of NY/NYC & Port Authority doing its “let’s shut down and penalize hard, working people,” I was able to pull together a group of the leading Premier League managers to discuss the title race.
We have only one question: Does anyone want to win the title?
In order to make this truly insightful, worth my time reporting, and more importantly, your time reading it, we were able to have each manager self-administer truth serum mostly in liquid form. We’ll ask each manager to answer with a yes or no one-sentence response, then later let them let expand their response
GG: Let’s start with Gus Hiddink of Chelsea our newest member, Gus what think you?
GH: Despite that not sounding like proper English, I do understand. Well we have no chance, but as long as we beat Arsenal, which we did last Sunday afternoon; our season is perhaps not complete but certainly far better.
GG: We need to turn to Manuel Pellegrini of Manchester City. Can you repeat?
MP: Yes, but sometimes we get totally off track. If Arsenal doesn’t get it together and Leicester fails in some way versus continuing their miraculous run, we win. In other words, we win if they make mistakes, pure and simple.
Jose Mourinho storms in….
GG: Jose! Even though many in Portugal believe we look alike, you’re far redder than normal. Plus OUR discussion is for active managers only of leading clubs even if your old team is in 13th place. And we’re being completely honest. Can you do that in front of a camera and tape recorder?
JM: Claro. Hey I’m responsible for that 13th or whatever place. Plus I AM THE BEST MANAGER. AND I’M COMING BACK. YOU’LL SEE.
Oh to answer your question Chelsea stand no chance to win or even make the top 4. But we – I mean they – won’t be the first team to win the Premiership then be relegated the following year.
GG: Claudio, Leicester è stata la più grande sorpresa di quest’anno. Si può rimanere in prima per altri 15 giochi?
(Claudio, Leicester has been the biggest surprise this year. Can you remain in first for another 15 games?)
CR: Of course. You Pundits and most observers have expected us to fail all season. We will not.
GG: De Herr Van Gaal, It’s been an eventful year. Manchester U spent almost £249,500 over the past 2 seasons on players. Yet you cannot score. Can you possibly win the league this year?
LVG: You’ve already decided I will be sacked. More likely I’ll take my ball – I mean £s – and go. I will miss the Chinese in Manchester, however.
GG: I take that as a no, correct?
LVG: Yes. We’ll be lucky to compete in Europe next year. I mean the Champions League.
GG: Finally Arsene Wenger who has been manager longer then the combined years of all our other participants in their current positions.
AW: Yes of course, I think we can win. We show remarkable character and while still unfailingly inconsistent are clearly better playing with more toughness. We do have losses we should not. There is nothing we can do about that now. Our team is coming back to full strength. I am positive.
GG: So to summarize, we have 3 yeses – Leicester, Man City and Arsenal. And, of course, color from the others including an uninvited guest.
GG: Ok, now that we’ve have heard your opinions, now what else would you like to say?
GH: My predecessor liked nothing more than beating Arsenal, particularly at The Emirates. This view is, of course, institutional. To start you must understand that Roman and his henchmen really hate the entire Gunners organization. They spend smartly, parsimoniously, win enough albeit not PL trophies are profitable and keep the same bloody manager year after year. Mr A doesn’t care about change, feelings, even money sometimes, but only to win. Full stop. He also feels really good that Chelsea has the most obnoxious and dirtiest player in the league. He got us 2 wins against them this year.
Since Jose showed up, I have to say something about him. Early this year he wigged out. That’s the only way too explain it. Who knows why? I do not believe it was due to winning the League, as he was quite good at that, but suspect it was self-induced and possibly a permanent change. We’ll only be able to tell after Man U finally sacks my countryman and takes a long shot.
JM: I agree with Gus that DC is a tool that we can use at will especially against Arsenal. We just whisper in his ear all kind of things that wind him up. Lasts at least into the second half.
And I also have analyzed what Man U needs to do to succeed. It’s quite a brilliant piece of analysis and writing. They’d be fools not to hire me.
MP: Sometimes our play reminds me of how Arsenal plays. And injuries just like Arsenal. Plus the Barca boys are going to sack me, but pay me so well so I go along. Their philology is to buy championships. Money makes no difference. Seems to be the way to do business in Manchester. Combined, we spend the most even taking into account our transfers out. Our fans love it of course.
Pep will do a great job as this team is talented, but we do have share of big egos.
LVG: Yes, it’s great for the estate agents in Manchester. I’m so glad I kept my flat back home.
I do have to say that journalists here and everywhere are vipers. They make up whatever. I hate dealing with them. Don’t like them as you can tell.
CR: Perhaps one aspect of our play is that some pundit declared that I’d be the first manager to get the sack. He is an idiot and should be the one without a job.
I’m a proud man, as you know.
GG: Finally Arsene, any closing comments?
AW: I look forward to the future. Always have. I feel sorry for managers these days. Some of these men are very fine people, others not so much.